Sunday, May 31, 2020

Spanking Hour

Since my last post, J and I have put some things to rights. We had a session the following night and several discussions on how we could make more time for 'us' and our dynamic. 
We carved out time in the mornings for a check-in...

This is harder than it seems. With four kids and a puppy, and our busy schedules, there are very few time slots available. 

We chose 5:10 when I bring J's coffee. This gives me time to wake up, pee, bring the puppy out to pee, place him in his crate, and fix a cup for J. 

We tried it last week and the first couple of days went smoothly. By the middle of the week, we had one kid who wasn't sleeping through the night and weren't able to have another until Saturday morning which didn't go very well- I'll spare you the details. 

We've also tried to have another nightime session since the one we had Monday night which got us to joke that we need to have a "spanking hour." This would be an hour in which we can do all things spanking whether it be a session or discipline after our kids are in bed for the night and the puppy is asleep. 

We chose 9:00. 

Something else you need to understand about us- we're early birds- "Early to bed, early to rise..." as the saying goes. 

By 9:30 J's toast and I'm not far behind!

And finding a place to spank is another problem in itself... our bedroom is in another part of the house from our children's so there's that... but now we have the puppy. 

So we've evicted our spanking explorations to the garage and pray it's either soundproof or our neighbors aren't outside star- gazing. 

Ahhh... wish me luck guys. 

Where there's a will, there's a way. 

How do you all do this?  

I'm open to all the tips!

Until next time....

Jessica


Monday, May 25, 2020

Just to Explain

This past week has been hard.

Hell, the past two months have been hard, for all of us.

I've found myself floundering off and on, constantly back and forth about my decisions, not sure which way is up, fighting mounting loneliness- which I didn't expect as an introvert, going through the motions of my day to day, finally to realize I'm depressed.

I didn't even see it coming.
Quarantine didn't change my life much.
My kids are home-schooled, we're all pretty much homebodies.
But the fear of the unknown is what got to me. Not being able to see anyone or go  anywhere if we wanted to- except for the grocery store- which is anxiety- producing in itself...

The masks, the lines, the arrows, the rations, the inflated prices...

It's a lot to cope with.

My train tends to veer off the tracks suddenly, without much warning. One moment I'm chugging along fine, next I'm completely changing my course.

I began to question everything-

Did I still want our dynamic? Did I still want to write? Does anyone even care about anything I have to say? What's the purpose of it all?

In my angst, I deleted all my accounts after talking to my co-writer and telling her I didn't know if I could do this anymore.

I felt terrible.

I talked with J, a close friend, my co-writer, my sister....

I told J I didn't think I needed our dynamic anymore. We haven't been able to keep many of our routines since all this began and I've been feeling numb from the fall out.

"I know you need this," was his reply to me. In my heart, I knew he was right, but my mind wasn't convinced yet.

I also questioned my abilities as a writer.
My wonderful co-writer and a close friend both told me to take my time and take a break.

My sister said the same adding,  "You're a writer. It's your gift. You've always been a writer and when you get that itch to write again, people won't be able to give you paper fast enough."

I took it all in and my heart called me back. This is who I am and where I belong. I live and breath the truth of this lifestyle. I've lived it and can testify to the desire for it and the fulfillment it gives to those of us that need it. And my writing is how I illustrate it to the world.

I write all this to say, please be patient with me. I know we're all going through a hard time right now, and I'm no different.
I just feel like a failure. Like I'm letting myself and others down. I certainly didn't expect to be in a funk right now.

I will bounce back as soon as I can. In the meantime, I'm still around and will check in daily, even if I'm quiet.

Thank you all for your understanding and support.

Jessica

Monday, February 24, 2020

A Simple Life





It's been a while since I've written here in a journaling capacity. If I'm honest, I've missed it. It can be hard at times to quiet my head enough to journal about real life and I've had some concerns about my blog being open to the public for just anyone to read, but now that the blog is private, I felt it was time to try and get some thoughts down.
For those of you I've invited, thanks for being here. I want to be able to talk with you here about what's going on in my neck of the woods, about what this sort of relationship is like and how we go about it, with people who are open to listen.. and comment, if you feel comfortable doing so. I love to hear from my readers as it can get very lonely blogging to the void...
My day to day doesn't change much but it is busy. Every morning (even weekends) I'm up at 5. The first thing I do is head to the kitchen to pour J's coffee and bring it to him. After doing this I take my own coffee to the living room and check messages and then have a half an hour to read- usually surrounded by my 4 kids and 2 cats. J comes to breakfast at a quarter to 6 and I cook for him. We have our check-in at the kitchen table while the kids watch cartoons or play games on their tablets. During check-in, he checks my schedule for the day and adds anything he needs me to do. He reminds me to be a good girl and reach out to him if I need to. I know what this means- reach out to me if you're frustrated, reach out to me if you crave something you shouldn't eat (sometimes I don't because just him telling me 'no' is enough to make me listen and I don't want to be told no- but he finds out if I did it and I'm over the bed anyway), reach out to me if you want something that needs permission.
Then he's off to work and I start my day with the kids. I put away the dishes from the dishwasher, wash dishes, feed kids and corral them to get ready for the day, take out meat for dinner to thaw, make beds, start laundry, update my keto app and after all that I'm off for a shower while my oldest girl keeps her eye on the two-year-old.
We start school at 9 (I homeschool them). I used to teach special ed so the transition to homeschooling wasn't a big deal and the kids love the routine. They are involved in some groups outside the home and we always have Sunday School on Sundays.
We school from 9-12, and then it's lunch, more chores, and nap for the littlest. The older kids have media time and I head to my writing cave.
When J comes home, I'm cooking dinner and the kids are finishing up homework (I don't give them much). The little one is up from her nap- change a diaper and get her snack.  As soon as I hear him I  pour him a cup of coffee and take his lunchbox to empty. Then it's in his arms, the place I always long to be. I truly love it when he's home. It makes the house feel different- warmer, protected.
After dinner, the kids begin getting ready for bed and the hour before bedtime we read. All cuddled up on the couch we journey together through whichever book we're working on (currently it's Little House on the Prarie by Laura Ingalls Wilder).
When they go to bed I return to my writing cave and J has some time for himself to read or watch tv (his favorite pastimes)
The weekends get switched up a bit. J works Saturdays and the kids and I clean the house and wash all the beds, change the hamster bedding, throw out recyclables. I bake and plan out our school week and schedule posts for my media groups. Sometimes J's mom visits.
When he gets home Saturday night, I am truly a happy girl because this is when date night starts. After the kids go to bed, my computer gets put away and we head to our bedroom with an adult beverage each and turn on our favorite tv show (currently The Good Doctor on Hulu). I get absolutely plastered with my drink of choice (rum and tonic) and after the show is over... things happen. And then I fall asleep, J tucks me in and heads to the living room with a book or to watch another tv show, and when I wake Sunday morning I am thoroughly rested and content.
Sunday we put the crockpot on and head to church. This is my day off and we spend the day as a family.
It's a simple life, a busy life, but it keeps me focused on the things that matter. Serving him and my kids, loving them, is what means the world to me. It's where I find my purpose and strength.
There are so many things in this world to be unsure of but I am sure of us, of this.
It's the simple things in life that mean the world to me- the touch of his hand, his kiss. It's the things that speak the words we don't always say. I notice you, I care for you, I know what you need, I trust you, I'm here for you.


Monday, January 27, 2020

Last call

Hey guys,

I'm leaving my blog up a couple extra days because some readers who responded didn't leave their email addresses. I can't send you an invite without it. I'm not going to be posting responses for the privacy of the reader so please either get back to me in the comments or by email at jessicalynneauthor830@gmail.com

Thanks,

Jessica😘

Friday, January 24, 2020

Note: Going Private

Hey ya'll,

I just wanted to drop a note that I will be making my blog private within the next few days. Mainly I've decided this because I plan to continue writing in a journal context so I'd prefer to know who's reading as I don't want to share personal details about my love life with family members😜

So, if you'd like to continue reading here please either comment below or you can message me at jessicalynneauthor830@gmail.com

Thanks!

Jessica 💓

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Happy New Year

Hello Blogland,

I couldn't resist the pic 🤣

I feel like it's been forever since I've been here. Things seem to be so quiet in these parts that I debated posting at all. To be honest, though, it helps when I reflect this way, and it's been so long since I've journaled, so I opted to. 
SO much has happened this year, and in light of it being New Year's, I've been in a reflective mood, as I'm sure most of us have. I've thought back not only on the past year and the goals I had last January but also on the past three years since J and I committed to trying out this dynamic in our marriage. 
We are three years strong now and we've experienced growth and successes in our marriage, but there were also times that we experienced the inevitable lulls that come with the business of life and the strain that puts on any marriage- especially a D/s dynamic like ours.
 I can honestly say there were times we thought of throwing in the towel and dropping the whole thing. I even asked J to remove my collar at one point. We just seemed to have lost our flow and I struggled with that.
 He honored how I felt and removed it but we kept it tucked away in its box for good measure. I still followed his lead and he still guided me, but it seemed the depth of what we had before was missing. After some time I asked him for my collar back. I didn't feel right without it. It was as if I was shunning a part of my submission to J by not wearing it. Some sort of 'sub rebellion' perhaps?
 J made me wait until my birthday (just after Christmas) before he put it back on. He wanted to be sure I really wanted this. 
When the time came he had me bend over our bed as he secured it in place and reminded me that I belong to him. It's now back around my neck and I feel recommitted to the fullness of my submission. 
He, in turn, has agreed to increase the dominance that I need to keep me in that headspace I crave. The headspace that keeps me pliable to him, willing to be lead. I'm happiest when I'm there because I can trust him to lead me and know he has my/ our best interest at heart. 
I know what he's committing to isn't always easy. We have schedules to keep and children to raise. At the end of our day, we're often both mentally and physically exhausted. But we've seen how this dynamic has benefitted our marriage and we've also seen how the lulls affect it. We still function well together, we make a good team, but the intimacy we share that keeps our passion alive is lacking, and we drift emotionally to a certain extent. 
 I know this is inevitable to some degree. All marriages have seasons in which things are passionate and seasons of rest. It happens. But if we can curb this to some degree so it doesn't seem as if the rhythm of our dynamic is non-existent, it would help some. 
If we stay up just a little later when tired, wake up just a little earlier, pull some mental energy from somewhere... keep this a priority because it's good for us...
I read a book a few years ago- actually, we were just embracing DD at the time- called 'Red Hot Monogamy' written by a couple who were committed to helping others keep the fire burning in their marriages by offering suggestions on little things you can do to keep passion alive. I know it's possible to do, even in a D/s context, if you make it a priority. It's not easy, but nothing in life that's worth it generally is. 
So anyhow, that's the scoop on our most recent struggle. But as I noted, we've also had so many triumphs since embracing our dynamic. J and I have had several conversations lately on how each year seemed to have it's own agenda when it came to how our dynamic played out and it's important to keep in mind that the needs of any dynamic are specific to the couple within it. There's no one size fits all with DD. 
I remember when we were first starting out- a blogger who mentored me encouraged me to keep with it and that our conversations would sound a lot different in another year if we did.
That first year, J's focus was mainly on supporting me through my parents' divorce- something that affected me strongly. At the time I worked with special needs children and work and my kids seemed to be the only things that kept me going. After putting the kids to bed at the end of each day, I drank to keep from falling apart. I needed to bury my feelings somehow so I drowned them with liquor. It wasn't enough to get me plastered but it was enough that addiction could become a concern. 
That year J put his foot down. There would be no more alcohol binges, no more smoking, and no more anorexia and purging- another thing I struggled with. 
My job as his submissive was to give him all of that emotion that needed a place to come out and let him be my safe place to fall. I needed to let go of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I was embracing and embrace him instead. Each and every time I broke his trust and went behind his back to do it again, he took care of it. The dreaded paddle came out of the closet and it didn't take too long before I realized he was serious and would do that each and every time- so I stopped and began to trust the process and rest in his leadership. That first year was the hardest for us as a DD couple. 
The second year, we had a new baby. Our new struggle was similar to our current one- trying to find time and energy to keep our dynamic alive. I no longer struggled with following his lead though. There were no unhealthy habits to conquer. Punishment was rare and when it did happen was usually due to my not minding my attitude with him. As his wife, I agreed when we embraced this, to be submissive and respectful towards him. If I had a concern or complaint I could always voice it, it just needed to be respectful- a condition that was not only necessary for the good of our marriage but also the peace of our home. So now when I found myself over his knee it was usually for this. 
Now, during our third year, things are much the same. Punishment is rare but it has increased a bit since J is taking the reigns on some of the personal commitments I've made that I haven't been successful with lately- like watching calories and committing to a workout routine. I've finally taken the plunge and joined a gym (gah) and I've downloaded a low- carb app to my phone. 
I've been so bad about my weight this is like the hardest thing ever right now!
But aside from that, we've been through a lot in the past year too. We've gone through a pretty major sickness with one of our children, job changes, a new home, transitioned to homeschooling all of our children, writing part-time and publication, just to name the most major challenges. 
As we journey together we are constantly looking for new ways to keep our dynamic moving, making changes where need be, so things don't become stagnant. 
On a personal note, I've made strides this year to accomplish something I've always longed to do, and published three books! I set my goal at the beginning of the year to publish at least one, and anywhere from one to six and I managed three. I'm thrilled about that!
As we go into 2020, I'm finalizing my future goals for this year. I want to continue on my journey with J and grow in my submission to him. I am learning to halt my mouth when I want to shoot off a response in anger and think before I speak. This seems to be my biggest challenge when I get my dander up. 
I also want to commit to being healthier and stick to the eating/ workout routine I need to follow. 
I have plans for a new series which will be coming out this year. If you've read my books I thank you and hope you've enjoyed them! 
If you've stopped by, thank you for doing so. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season with your families and friends and that you experience a joyous New Year filled with peace and success. 

Until next time,

Jessica



Monday, December 2, 2019

Interview With Danielle (Daoire)


Thanks for joining me on the blog today. I have a special guest who began her career years ago making discreet collars and D/s jewelry for the community. You can read my interview with her here. Please join me in offering her a warm welcome!






Tell me how you got started in your career making D/s collars and discreet jewelry.



·         Technically the seed was planted in my early 20s when I stumbled upon a website that sold these beautiful silver and gold gemstone clad slave collars. They were stunning and outrageously expensive. And I was in awe of them. I can’t remember the website name and they are nowhere to be found anymore, but those collars definitely made an impression on me. From there on out, I was always fascinated by the idea of a super discreet day collar. 

But as far as how I actually got started… It was an idea I had while in school for electrical engineering in 2013. I ran the idea by a few of my friends from the lifestyle and they thought it sounded like a cool idea. But it was my friend Bob who really gave me the push to go for it. Keep in mind I had zero metalsmithing experience at this point though. And honestly, in my mind, it would just be a little hobby. I was not planning on starting a business, lol. So I bought a roll of 6 gauge aluminum wire to play with. And Bob actually bought me my first neck mandrel and jeweler’s hammer cause I was a broke college student. I did a TON of research, watched videos online day and night, and when I felt comfortable I got started.

My first aluminum collars were pretty crude looking compared to what I do now, but people bought them! And this allowed me to expand into sterling silver and other precious metals, upgrade my tools and develop my smithing skills to what I do today. The business pretty much formed itself and really took off after I designed my sterling silver Allen key clasp. And what started off in a spare bedroom with me and a hammer at a $10 teachers desk I found on craigslist, is now a full home studio.


(My Allen Key Clasp)



What makes you passionate about this work?
·         A few things actually… For starters, I really love the fact that something I made with my own two hands can be such a meaningful part of someone’s relationship. When I get a photo of someone at their collaring ceremony, or just a selfie of them glowing in their new collar it really reinforces why I love what I do.

And the freaking awesome equipment I get to work with!? I mean I have casting equipment, a 3D printer, a laser cutter, and all sorts of really cool shit that I get to play with daily. It's pretty damn awesome.

But also, I LOVE learning new things. And with smithing, you are ALWAYS going to be learning something new because there is SO freaking much to learn. You could study smithing for 20 years and be amazing at what you do, but still not have mastered it yet. That’s how much there is to learn and that’s why I never stop researching new ideas and techniques. Plus it’s fun to beat on metal with hammers for a living. ;)

What is your goal as a designer? Who do you cater to?
·         I used to joke about wanting to be known as the Tiffany’s of the kink world, but not in an egotistical super corporation that can sell a paperclip for $1500 kinda way. What I really mean is that I want to be known by the kink world as a trusted source for discreet fine jewelry quality slave collars, in the same way that Tiffany’s is known for their engagement rings, etc.

I cater to adults in any stage of a kink/BDSM/alternative relationship. Whether you are in a new relationship and looking for a consideration collar, about to have your collaring ceremony, or are married and it’s an anniversary gift, I have a collar for you. Or even if you aren’t in a relationship and just have a collar fetish, want to collar yourself symbolically, or are just looking for BDSM emblem or ownership icon jewelry, I got you.




(Sterling ownership icon pendant on leather cord necklace.)


What makes your products unique?
·         Well, I think locking jewelry and day collars are inherently unique. But also, all of my products are quite literally made by hand in my home studio. I even have my own casting studio. I use some premade components when it makes sense, but a lot of my stuff, including my Allen key clasp, are 3D modeled, printed, molded, and are cast in house by me in my studio. Every solid wire collar that goes out is hand-hammered and formed into a ring by my hands. I personally make every single metal item that goes out of the studio. And my boyfriend does all the leatherwork. He measures, cuts, dyes, and finishes all the leather by hand. And he also helps with some of the castings.


 (Rough castings before being cut, ground, and polished by hand.)

What are your goals for your business?
·         My number one goal is to keep expanding. My own website is in the works. And eventually, I would like to move into a separate studio and hire help so I can focus more on new designs and all the managerial stuff. Right now, aside from the help mentioned above that I get from my boyfriend, I wear every hat in the company. I am the designer, the smith, the customer service rep, the shipper, the accountant, the photographer, the model sometimes, the vendor when we set up at events, and everything else that I can’t think of right now. So to expand so I can wear fewer hats and focus more on designs is a big goal. I’ve got so many ideas that sit on the shelf until I can find time to give to them. My customers keep me pretty busy. But I love them for it!



(My 10 gauge rose gold-fill collar. Also available in yellow gold-fill and sterling.)




Tell us about yourself.
·         Hah! I can talk all day about Daoire, but I always have a hard time talking about myself. I don’t know. I’m an old school gaming nerd, though I don’t have much time for it these days. I’m a self-proclaimed crazy cat lady to 3 of the cutest kittens on the face of the planet. I’m a dental lab technology, engineering, and art school drop out. Well, I didn’t drop out, but I did switch majors too many times and eventually quit the VCU Arts program I was in to go back to community college and finish up my Associates in Science so that I could focus more on my growing business – best decision I ever made AND I did get my piece of paper for all that hard work.

I also run a second little side business laser engraving novelty products, but my boyfriend has taken over all the work orders for that so that it doesn’t distract me from Daoire. That actually got started because of a medical scare I had. In 2018 I began having all these really weird migrating joint and muscle pains. I wrote it off as getting older for a while until it got really bad. I finally went to the doctor. We kind of think it might be Fibromyalgia because all my tests are coming back fine, but I don't have an actual diagnosis yet. So, I call it my "itis", lol.  Anyway, so I was having a really hard time doing the detailed and intricate work that goes along with smithing. Some days were okay, other days I couldn’t even lift my arms or use my hands. So I freaked out a bit cause this is my livelihood. I thought, man, what am I going to do if I can’t do this anymore? So the laser engraving thing was born as a just in case back up plan thing since it doesn’t take much manual dexterity to operate a laser engraver. But I’m doing pretty good right now. It seems I’m on the right meds presently. And getting a good night’s sleep while trying to reduce my stress levels seems to be key in reducing the number of flare-ups I have.

Are you in a D/s relationship? What is your role?
·         I’m actually not in what I’d call a D/s relationship. Most of my younger adult life I identified as submissive, but never really met the right Dom. I used to be more active and get out to more events in my local community too, but school and running my business kinda took over. Then about a year after I started my business I fell in love with my best friend. That was a little over 5 years ago and we’re still together today. I don’t know what you’d call us and I don’t really think labels matter. But he is completely supportive of everything I do and doesn’t blink an eye about going to a fetish convention to help me vend. He’s been one of my biggest cheerleaders and sources of support as I have navigated this whole business thing. We make a pretty awesome team.

What other pursuits are you passionate about?
·         Man, that's a hard one too. I mean I live, breathe, eat, drink, sleep Daoire. If I’m not working on orders I’m researching new ideas and dreaming of new equipment to help me create those new ideas lol. I do get pretty into graphic design – both 2D and 3D. But that is also stuff I get to use in my job. I really feel like I’ve incorporated most of my passions into the business. So I don’t know… does being an Amazon addict count? I’m very passionate about online shopping, lol.




What is one piece of advice you would give to someone seeking a D/s relationship?
·         Be yourself. Don’t try to be some fantasy of what you or anyone else thinks you should be. Your wants, desires, and kinks are yours for a reason. If you pretend to be something that you are not, you’re less likely to get those desires fulfilled. And whether you are a Dom or sub, the whole point of this thing is to get those needs met. The goal of any healthy D/s relationship should be to meet both people’s needs.

And strictly speaking to new submissives out there: A random Dom on the internet is not your Dom and not your Master. You don’t have to do anything that they say to prove anything to them before you are ready. If you are into taking direction online or on cam and that's what you are looking for too, that’s one thing. But a caring Dom who is looking for something real won’t make you do anything you aren’t ready for and won't try to guilt-trip you or say you must not "be a real sub" just because you won't obey a stranger online. Stand up for yourself and only submit to someone who deserves your submission.

Please share your links and any pictures you would like added 😊 -- All of my work can be found in my Etsy shop at http://daoire.etsy.com and you can find me on social media via Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Fetlife as Daoire/Daoire925.

(The sterling silver Claddagh collar.) 



Danielle has generously offered my readers a discount on her specially made jewelry. Her quality items are custom made by her personally. To order using the discount you can visit here or just use the  BECOMINGHIS coupon code for 10% off.

Thanks so much Danielle!💕