Today was awful... can I just say that again?
Today was friggin' AWFUL!!
I would normally be having a date night with J right now, wrapped in a blanket and cuddled in front of the tv with a drink but that is so not happening tonight. Date night has been canceled because we have had such a horrid day and I'm also getting a spanking tomorrow night- and I'm pretty sure it's going to be horrid.
If this sounds funny, I don't mean for it to. I'm just shy of becoming a catatonic couch potato that babbles incoherently into space (you know like in that movie Overboard- bababababa)
It all started at the butt-crack of dawn, one of our littles has been having a hard time now for... gosh I don't even know how long. Well, we are having a whole new round of issues now that I won't get into. Let's just say that it's related to food allergies and leave it at that.
I'm sure many of you in blog land know this, but when your littles have problems of whatever sort and you don't know what the hell to do, you tend to run the gamut of possibilities until you get a lead that points you in the possible right direction. It can be stressful as hell! You may turn on your partner and end up fighting. You may say some really stupid things that you really don't mean because you're stressed out and pissed off and can't take it out on your little who is the initial cause of your anger. You may feel guilty because they need you, they trust you and you shouldn't be angry at them. You may feel upset at your partner because deep down, you know they are fighting with the same ugly feelings that you have. We're there! And although we're not doing awful as far as our relationship goes, we're worn out, stressed with obligations and responsibilities, missing each other, and trying to hold on.
Remember that post I wrote on submitting with distractions?! Well, this is a distraction at its finest. These are the moments when I have the hardest time EVER submitting to J. I'm not even worthy of telling you how to do it. I'm just another wife posting another take on ttwd like all the other bloggers in blogland.
What I CAN tell you is, if you're struggling, you are not alone. It's not always easy. It takes work, demands it, even when you're at your weakest.
In those moments sometimes I think of others like myself- others who practice this male-led lifestyle and have children and large families. I think of them keeping on going on and I take a deep breath and keep trying. I remind myself that I'm not alone.
Sometimes I go to other blogs and read there for a while, just so I can see I'm not the only one. I read about what's going on in their lives and take notice of how they've come through things. I remember other times in our marriage that we came through things and how our dynamic helped us get there. I remind myself that we can get through whatever we're facing now too.
We are going through a trial but if we pull together we will be fine. Sometimes it's just hard to choose to see things from a positive perspective.
I know this won't last forever and it's just a momentary blip in our lives, but can I just say it sucks, it's hard, it's not what I wanted, It's not how I wanted our day to go.